Are you familiar with the song "Feeling Good?" Surely everybody has heard it, no? There are countless renditions but nobody-- even the ultimate cool Canadian dad (Mr. Bublé)-- nailed it like Nina Simone. Even through the triumphant tone of the music, her vocals are jarring. This woman has been through some turmoil and it's clear. She's out of the woods but she's shaken. It's in this that I find solace. Just because you're broken doesn't mean you can't make something hauntingly beautiful. On the contrary: sometimes it's just a necessity.
What a difference a week can make. My outlook is a lot better than it was in my last blog post. The difficult life circumstances have not budged one bit but I'm adjusting. Using my time wisely as a means of keeping myself busy with the right amount of productive distractions. And to those who have reached out to let me know I'm not alone, you mean the world to me.
Black is often regarded as the saddest color on the spectrum. I don't doubt that it is, especially since its attached to the act of mourning. However, I find blue to be the most sorrowful hue of all. Maggie Nelson's Bluets says it better than I can:
157. The part I do remember: that the blue of the sky depends on the darkness of empty space behind it. As one optics journal puts it, "The color of any planetary atmosphere viewed against the black of space and illuminated by a sunlike star will also be blue." In which case blue is something of an ecstatic accident produced by void and fire.
That's just one small section: you should really read the entire essay. Brilliant. All that to say, this is why I'm wearing a blue dress. I'm feeling better but I'm still sad. And I think that's okay.
Aside from being an okay indication of my inner struggles, this dress also happens to be very pretty. Give me all of the bell sleeves, forever. And the back? YES.
dress/ Free People (on sale!), shoes/ ASOS, clutch/ ASOS (old, similar), necklace/ vintage (similar), choker/ DIY
***Photos by Brenden Shaver