A Moment of Honesty: Flaws.

Let me give you some advice, bastard: Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.” - Tyrion Lannister

I've been thinking a lot about my flaws lately. I'm starting to pack on some extra pounds for winter and it's not great. I cut off my hair because it was a sort of security blanket to compensate for all of the self-consciousness about my weight. I wore it like a shroud. Now that it's gone, I'm left to face my various insecurities all by myself. I feel like working in TV has taken away every ounce of self-love I once possessed. I'm surrounded by these unrealistically attractive people all the time. I mean, come on guys, spread out the good looks for the rest of us average-looking folk. I set equally unrealistic standards for myself and I realized that it's no way to live. As you all know, I'm a big fan of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Basically that means that you re-train your brain to replace negativity with positivity. I make lists. Lots and lots of lists. Do me a favor: look at yourself in the mirror. Analyze what you see. What do you like? What don't you like? Now own those flaws. Here's what I came up with:

1. I wear the bags under my eyes like badges of honor. Sometimes I stay awake for 30+ hours in a row because of the way work, weddings, meetings, and other things may align. At the beginning of it all, I could barely stay awake during an overnight shift. Now, I'm a champion. Is it healthy? Probably not but it's also not for forever. I'm paying my dues and I'm that much closer to my dream job.

2. I have sausage fingers. While I can't do anything about the way they look, I'm thankful for my ability to use them for things like music. Though that particular hobby may keep me from having sexy nails, it's well worth it.*

3. I can be really unbelievably stubborn. As I get older, I'm learning (the hard way) how to channel that into something constructive, I.E. being a strong-willed, albeit open-minded person. I don't think that's a bad trait at all, especially in a world where everybody seems to be swayed so easily.

xo,
e.m. 

*SPEAKING OF WHICH... shameless plug: if you live in the Philly/South Jersey/Philly 'burbs area, I want to sing to your beautiful faces! My band is playing at show at The Legendary Dobb's on Sunday. Show up around 4:30 with a canned good because it's for Philabundance. I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you see you there. If you're a reader and you're planning on showing up, let me know (either in the comments below or on Twitter) so I can bring some extra special swag for you.

9 comments

  1. Loving this post. Loving your hair!! And I wish I could go see your band play.

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  2. Oh I have so much to say! 1. I love your blog, I just found you today and I am so glad. It's beautiful! 2. I love your hair, so much so I immediately told my best friend that I wanted hair like yours, and I have never had anything other that flat, basic, plain hair. I don't get excited about cool hair but yours is beautiful and I am so envious! 3. I cannot wait to follow along, I feel like this is a great blog for my own personal interests. and 4. I love that outfit, what a great color and your jacket, YUM!

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    1. Thank you!! It seriously means so much. I love making new friends :) Welcome aboard!

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  3. Beautifully written, for sure. I worked a lot with CBT when I was a mental health counselor this past year - it doesn't jive with everyone, naturally, but with the people who did enjoy it, they really changed and grew so much through it! So brava, girlfriend.

    Ps. I love the placement of your tattoo! I don't know what it's of, but I love where it is!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Miss :) it's Arabic for "I once loved." It's such a beautiful language and phrase.

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  5. I love this post... it's raw and honest and I too can relate to it. This last year for me has been full of changes and I love it when chicks cut their hair off! Mine's long now but I dyed it to shake things up a bit. My style is slowly changing along with my attitude and view on life, friends and family. It sounds like 2015 will be a great year full of changes for you emotionally and physically. I had packed on some pounds over the course of the last 3 years of my life and was depressed and ill (literally sick). I had sausage fingers too. Everything gets big when you are short. Ha! This last year I managed to turn my health around and loose 14 lbs and am still working away at it. I've really had to sit back and examine myself in 2014... it was rough but I've learned just how strong of a human being I am. You are beautiful inside and out and I adore your style, words and bloggy.
    xoxo
    Taylor
    http://www.nothingbutapigeon.com/

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