A Moment of Honesty: Behind the Instagram

Wow, two "A Moment of Honesty" posts in a row. I've been pensive lately, can you blame me? The seasons are changing, I'm headed towards new things... the stars have just aligned. Hope you all don't mind. When Diana shared some of her birthday Instagrams in context, I immediately wanted to steal the idea. Social media makes it so easy to share aesthetically-pleasing moments that give the idea of one having a so-called "perfect life." I don't think we do it on purpose, it's just the way it happens. It's so much more acceptable to share a carefully curated collection of macarons and lipsticks than it is to share one in which you've got mascara running down your cheeks because you're crying about something or other. Who wants to see that? Not me. I do want to get in the habit of sharing more of my heart on social media. Do I love sharing pretty photos of nice things? Yes. Is my life perfect? Far from it. Do I want you all to think that my life is perfect? Aw hell no. We all have struggles and as you may or may not know, my philosophy is that we need to be more open about them because who likes to feel alone?

As a lot of you may know, I dropped out of college after a few semesters. Because of my career path, I often feel inferior to those around me because of this. While deep down I feel that it's one of my greatest "quirks," a small part of me wishes that I had finished because it would make breaking into the world of news media so, so, so much easier. After I dropped out, I vowed to never stop learning. I rely on books to teach me. I've been into Machiavelli lately. At first I started reading his work because it made me look smart (I won't even try to hide it, I was compensating for my lack of formal education) but then I really started to enjoy it and now The Prince is one of my favorites. I shared this photo because I want to encourage others to read through "the classics" and remind them that reading is NOT a dorky way to pass the time. Doesn't hurt that the cover is visually appealing and complements the small part of my blazer that's showing in the corner.

I struggle with body image. To be fair though, who doesn't? My pal Deb was driving to Starbucks after a shoot and I happened to find the ONE flattering angle of my legs. Honestly, that's about it. It's embarrassing to admit but a lot of the photos I post are terribly, terribly vain. 

This may be the most alpha-blogger thing that I've ever said but healthy, colorful foods are kind of a necessity for me. I deal with a lot of anxiety and something as simple as the pink skin of a dragonfruit  reminds me that life can be beautiful. It's reminiscent of Matthew 6:28, "And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin..." I always need to be reminded of that truth. Nature is so effortlessly beautiful, and so can life when it's not complicated with needless distractions. 

Speaking of needless distractions... sometimes they're necessary in a moment. Do I regret this purchase? Sort of. They're beautiful and although I did save up, I'm a little bit in debt (not a lot, but nonetheless) and I could have put that cash towards something productive. 

Sometimes people ask me, whether purposely-full-of-snark or innocently, if I ever wear "normal clothes." This was a Spitestagram (I think I should copyright that phrase) to show 'em all that I'm not "above" jeans and a tee shirt. Also to prove how easy it is to take a simple tee and pair of jeans and add a little bit of dazzle-dazzle. It took a lot of courage for me to post it because I really hate my feet. If I hadn't had a fairly fresh pedicure, I wouldn't have shared it. 

This one is a bit much and I almost didn't share the context of it but for the sake of transparency, I'm going for it. On the surface it may seem like a "twee" hipsters drinking cold-pressed juice with fancy straws but those juices were a necessity that morning. I could explain it all, but why would I want to do that when a picture from the night before sums it up so succinctly? 

Ah, Ben Franklin. Growing up in/around the Philadelphia area, this bridge is legendary. I have so many good memories of it. I remember walking across it as a kid with my dad. I remember driving it over countless times in the family car, and then the huge deal my first time conquering it as a licensed driver. It's a rite of passage of sorts. All of these memories make me smile. It's been a rough past few months so I snapped this to set it as my background because not only did it remind me of simpler times, but a lot of my stress is because I'm in a transitioning phase and bridges are very symbolic. They can be scary to drive over but chances are, there's something wonderful waiting on the other side, whether it be home or a new, exciting adventure. 

xo,
e.m.

14 comments

  1. "while deep down I feel that it's one of my greatest "quirks," a small part of me wishes that I had finished because it would make breaking into the world of news media so, so, so much easier. After I dropped out, I vowed to never stop learning. I rely on books to teach me."

    they never said following your dreams would be easy, but for the few who never stop reaching, magic awaits.

    keep posting, we appreciate you

    m guppytin

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  2. I love this so much. Thanks for being honest and real in a world that easily becomes superficial. It's encouraging♥

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    1. Thank you so much! It really means a lot!!!

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  3. So glad to see (read) the thoughts of someone else who struggles with anxiety. Body issues are tough and when combined with anxiety it can be a recipe for disaster! I often find myself thinking that I shouldn't be vain because I do have those issues & yet, in many ways I'm terribly vain. Thank you for having the courage to be open & honest, it's so appreciated!

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    Replies
    1. Thank YOU for your kind words :) I feel like being open and honest about these things, as difficult as it was at first, is one of the best choices I could have ever made for myself. Doesn't make it any easier though, so your encouragement means so much.

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