The Skin I'm In

I stared at my sister in disbelief when she said "Jennifer Lawrence is fat" while we were eating at an Indian restaurant the other day. In the moment, this infuriated me more than it disappointed me but now that I've marinated in the thought, it saddens me more than anything. 

I've struggled with my weight for most of my life. I've fallen prey to all sorts of fad diets and weird exercise routines. I've cried multiple times when trying to fit into a decent pair of jeans or to find the illusive bra that doesn't accentuate my back fat. I've actually ripped a pair of pants more than once. Bending over to pick something up. Just like in cartoons. (Try finding a bigger blow to one's self esteem than that.) What kind of world are we living in that young girls are thinking that attractive, fit actresses are "fat?" What does that mean for their self esteem? What does that mean for people like me? People like you? It's borderline insulting and indicative of a major problem with modern standards of beauty. It takes a lot of courage to embrace your body, whichever shape it is. Big boobs, no boobs, too thin, too fat, there seems to be a lot of room for criticism. It needs to stop. It's one thing to be healthy and to want to be the best you can be but think about it this way: how many times a day do you see a woman in an advertisement or on a magazine and think, "if only...?

It took a lot of courage to post these photos. I even sent them to multiple friends and asked if they were "okay." After all, they're going to be in the internet for... forever, right? Then I realized just how ridiculous that sentiment is. It's my body. I live in it. People see it every day. I hide it all the time, and why? I've always been a lot more comfortable in baggy layers that don't accentuate the shape of my body because to me, it's not nice. Key words: "TO ME." As corny as New Years Resolutions can be, I made one for myself this year: I want to be in love with the skin I'm in. It's not easy. It is, however, completely possible. And, if I can do it, so can you.

I don't know how yet. I'm still learning. I know that it begins with taking care of your body, wearing what you want to wear, and NOT comparing yourself to others, whether positively or negatively. Find what you love about yourself and just own it. Like anything else, it's bound to be a process but for once, this is a New Year's Resolution that I'm actually more excited for the journey than the result.

xo,
e.m.

dress/ H&M, jacket/ H&M (similar), boots/ H&M (similar), bracelet/ thrifted, hat/ DIMEPIECE, tights/ Target, sunglasses/ Old Navy, bag/ Louis Vuitton (it's a Speedy 30, for those who have asked!)

P.S. Oh, as for J. Law? HuffPo had a great article about her and "the fact that her statements reinforce our current cultural views, rather than subverting them." (The article, not to get too "political," should be less about her and more about the double-standards in our media. Regardless, it's thought-provoking and full of great talking points.)

*photos by Allie Mickel 

35 comments

  1. I think you look wonderful! We have similar body types and just now at 26 I am starting to feel comfortable in it. It is sad that it takes so long to realize that you are just great as yourself! :)

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    1. Thank you! They beauty of body acceptance is that it's not a one-time thing but a journey. Your body is always changing and so are your feelings about it. (Now I feel like those videos that you watch in school as a preteen, the "your changing bodies!" ones...)

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  2. You look absolutely amazing and reading this post has definitely inspired me to see past my insecurities! <3

    www.adventuresofananglophile.com

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    1. Thank you :) I'm so glad that I could help you!

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  3. Oh my gosh, those hips, girl. <3
    Thank you so much for writing this and sharing it with all of us. I want to be able to love myself more than I do now. I keep reading these awful new year's resolution posts by other bloggers, commenting on the ups and downs of their weight through the past year and it's the most annoying thing ever! I've thought about writing my own post on this matter. Soon.

    Thanks again, you're cool!

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    1. Any time girl! Thank you so much. Please let me know if you do write a post about it! We all gotta stick together :)

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  4. As soon as I saw these photos, my first thought was that you look absolutely incredible. Just absurdly stunning. The writing beneath, though, was just as wonderful and inspiring. I admire you so much, and I hope you are truly able to see how incredible you are this year through your New Year's Resolution (which, by the way, is the best NYR I've ever heard). You are so beautiful inside and out and I hope you have the most wonderful, wonderful year. xx

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    1. Oh my goodness, thank you so much! I'm truly taken back by your kind words. I'm copying this message and putting it in a sticky note on my desktop for when I need a little pick-me-up. :)

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  5. I love this so much. well said. before even reading this post I was looking at your photos and thinking "omg.. shes gorgeous" :) and you are.. and everything you just wrote is so relatable. i made myself a new years resolution to be confident. ive always been so shy with low self-esteem. Its really hard but im trying to break out of my shell! this really, really helped a lot. thank you! <3

    --
    Rosa

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    1. Any time at all love! It makes a world of difference knowing that you're not alone, and your comment has helped me :) Thank you so much.

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  6. I LOVE THIS.

    you are a beautiful woman.

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    1. Thank you so much Clare! Same to you. And you also make some freaking adorable children, JUST SAYING.

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  7. DUDE! You look flipping amazing. I wish I looked like you.

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    1. Aw thank you girl! But hey, you are beautiful! You do you girl :)

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  8. Hey sweetpea, I'm usually a lurker on your blog but I just wanted to pop over and tell you that you/your body is awesome and I'm proud that you're showing it off despite that negative voice in your head. Go you! <3

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    1. Thank you so much! I appreciate it a lot! <3 <3 <3

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  9. girl. that last photo is straight-up sexy! you look, and sound, like a complete badass and i love everything about this post :)

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    1. well thank you! that's what I aim for ;) but seriously, thank you <3

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  10. You are a literal hour glass shape. And you're hot....so yeah. That equals perfect in my book ;)

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  11. Thank you for this! It was exactly what I needed as I've also struggled with not only my weight my whole life but also how I let it affect me. I keep working at it everyday but reading this post helps me realize that I'm not alone - that we are not alone. So inspiring! Thank you!

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    1. I am not much for commenting on the internet, but your post really resonated with me as I struggle everyday with body image issues. In part (large part) I blame the media! I just wanted to offer some positive reinforcement-I come to your blog often and always think you are gorgeous! I wish everyone would build each other up more often instead of trying to qualify beauty all the time.

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  13. When I saw the photos of you before reading your post below, I thought you looked stunning. When I read your post, I loved you 10000 times even more. It's so hard to have a positive body image and accept your body for what it is these days, I'm still struggling with it but it's so wonderful when you read about someone else trying to accept their body so thank you for this post. :)

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  14. My critique is this: why does "fat" have to be a bad word? In an ideal world, it would just be another adjective, nothing inherently negative about it. In my opinion, the stigma is better reduced by matter-of-factly embracing the word, not treating it as a grave insult. Since I've started doing that, my relationship to my body has been much less stressful. "You're chubby!" That's right, I am - and there's not a damn thing wrong with that.

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